Like the Graceful Dolphin, I shall Dive into the Chaotic Oceans!

                    Emania started her first evaluation this morning. They are testing her to see what areas she needs extra help in. When the school is done, I'll then call the Board of education and request further evaluation. When all is said and done, Emania will start getting the extra help she needs in school, and here at home as well. She'll also get to ride the bus to school, which makes me a happy camper because she won't have to walk in the bitter cold winter months. They also wave the $4.00 fee per day, but thats not as big of a deal to us... Yes, it saves us money...but its not that expensive either... So, I'm glad to say the ball is rolling...

                     I've started writing the book I wanted to write 3 years ago. It's funny... you have so much to say... you know what you have to say... but to put it into words on paper? That is definately a challenge. I feel good about working on this book right now. I feel productive, and somehow... fulfilled. The last 3 years have caused me to search deep within myself as I studied, learned, listened... the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because of that, I have become overly critical of myself. Nate told me this morning that I have cut myself short too long and too often. I don't want to seem like a know-it-all, a pompous jackass that looks down upon everyone else. Someone who hinds behind degrees, arrogance, and titles. I've gotten too close to too many like that. I don't like the way they make me feel, or the way they make others feel. They hide behind their definitions of spirituality so people won't see what they truly are... afraid, and very alone. I want to rise above that. I want people to understand what I'm saying, without feeling like I am somehow more knowledgable than they... Anyone can seek the knowledge... if they have the courage to try. I am not better than anyone else. I know more than some, less than others. I am equal to those around me. I saw someone say something a few nights ago that disturbed me a huge way... they made fun of someone because they only had a masters degree, instead of a PHd. There is nothing wrong with a Masters Degree, or any degree. There is nothing wrong with those who have nothing. Perhaps they could not afford to finish school, or even go at all. Who are we to decide the measure of intelligence? Is the man who never finished highschool living in the woods, who knows how to survive with little tools somehow dumber than someone with a PHd in Genetics? Of course not. Genetics won't keep you alive in a survival situation. Intelligence would. I'm going to write this book, and hope some publisher, somewhere, will enjoy it enough to publish it. I'm going to start public speaking at workshops and seminars to spread knowledge, and hopfully shine some light onto the truth about Celtic Spirituality, in order to expose people like Issac Bonewitz for what they really are...a fraud. If people like what I have to say, great. If not, thats ok too. This isn't a popularity contest.

                   I need to go to the beach tonight... to sit on the shore with my good friend and Lord of the Seas, Mannanan. I crave His wisdom and kindness. His stories and tales... I bought a new book at the Pagan Pride Day festival...a new journal. I've decided to use it to write down my dreams and visions...my journeys to the otherworld. My conversations with my ancestors and Gods... So one day...when my memory escapes me...I can look back and remember with a smile... I told Anu last night, " I hope I can make You proud of me... ". I got an unexpected answer... " Its not I you need to please, its you. ". She's right. She's always right.

                   I've noticed that a couple of individuals have been keeping an eye on me. Always wanting to know what I'm going to say next. Go right ahead Kate and Ken. There is nothing here you'll find for juicy gossip, for conspiracies, or drama. But a piece of advice for you... be careful where you stick your noses... one day someone might shut a book on it.